i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dignity is for republicans.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
