Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
