I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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