totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
