Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
