i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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