I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I think my fart just growled at me.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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