Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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