What a fucking waste of an outfit
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Randomize
