I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
