I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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