me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
