Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
