thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
