Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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