There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
