i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
