Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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