I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
