I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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