I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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