I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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