The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
