im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
