Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
