i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
