her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
