You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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