and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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