You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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