Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
our cab driver is having phone sex.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You ruined the universe
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
