I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
