why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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