finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
