i just wanna soil my oats bro
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
