I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
