We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
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