it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
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