turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
