I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
