yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
