So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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