She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
