You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
