he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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