My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
