It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
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