Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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