what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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