my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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