My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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