finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
