I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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