We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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