I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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